Datchet Boosted by First “Ever” Fan Day, but Fail to “Sley” Visitors

A capacity crowd packed the Wally Gage Memorial Ground on Saturday, to see table-topping Datchet extend their lead with an impressive draw against promotion chasing Eversley.  With teenage sensation Connor Gallgher on Eton vHarrowduty, Datchet brought in Eswar Krishnamurthy as a late replacement, with Misster Dicks being left on the bench.

Having won the toss, Datchet skipper Tim Alldis, elected to bat and sent in Nick Tilley with makeshift opener, Vishy Aeri.  Unsurprisingly for someone in the middle of a pre-wedding diet banning all foodstuffs except celery and gravel, Tilley’s body language suggested he had about the same energy level as Ben Wilkinson at a relative’s child’s birthday party, before being dismissed in single figures. His partner Aeri, who himself suffers from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder after a childhood incident left him unable to remove his batting pads unless he was in the relative safe haven of a car boot, played some lavish shots before departing in his early twenties, when he had looked set to make a half century.  Funnily enough, earlier in the season, Vishy had just left his late twenties when he made another early departure, despite the opportunity of securing something over 50, in the aftermath of Andrew Dick’s Birthday BBQ.

Fortunately, some order was restored to the innings by Pervez Aziz (55) and Thomas Jones (which is, incidentally, an anagram of “Ate Jon Moss”) who put on a solid partnership before Jones fell to Eversley’s impressive all-rounder Simon Mugava (which is, incidentally an anagram of “One Man Team”).  Controversy surrounded the dismissal.  As Jones stood his ground having been given out LBW, hotspot replays on the big screen showed no inside edge, but did pick up the unmistakeable outline of a piping hot Greggs Steak Bake in the batsman’s pocket.  With the footage seeming inconclusive, Snicko was called for.  Incredibly, the sound which the batsman had felt was an inside edge, appeared to be a solitary pork scratching dropping from his chin(s)strap and hitting the floor at the exact moment the ball passed the bat, and Jones was on his way, slowly. 

In came the skipper, Tim Alldis who, selflessly, deliberately missed a straight one to allow Adam Jones to stride to the crease, like an extra from TOWIE who had won a competition to play in a benefit match.  However, he batted with immense style, despite losing a couple of partners, going on to make an impressive 77, to the delight of all of his watching parents.  Some lusty blows from Datchet’s middle order took them to 239-8, when they made a generous declaration after 50 overs.

Spirited early bowling from Thomas Luke Lambert (which is an anagram of “Thomas Mullet Baker”), saw the visitors lose two early wickets, only for Lambert to bowl a third off a no ball.  Opener Mugava batted solidly to make 59 before being brilliantly run out by a combination of Alldis and Aziz.  Funnily enough, the last time those two names were mentioned in the same sentence was in the scandalous Sun headline “Alldis Aziz way with sixth team-mate’s sister.” 

Despite magnificent efforts from the DCC bowlers (T. Lambert 4 wickets and siblingsN. Tilleyand J. Dick 1 apiece), the visitors’ tailenders held firm and ended 7 wickets down.  Despite the draw, Datchet picked up 13 points, which was enough to stretch their lead at the top of the league and inspire an evening of joviality in the clubhouse, which will long be remembered for Andrew Dick’s stoical refusal to be tempted into romance by a fairly determined admirer.

 Chris Edwards

Image: Datchet’s major protagonists on Saturday. L-R – Ratty Rat Rat Jones, Mister Dicks, Tom Lambert

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Categories: Match Report


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3 Comments on “Datchet Boosted by First “Ever” Fan Day, but Fail to “Sley” Visitors”

  1. Russell Cox
    June 26, 2012 at 2:19 pm #

    Your anagrams certainly need working on….not to DTID standards

  2. Peewee
    June 26, 2012 at 3:37 pm #

    Excellent to see a family club doing well. With love from South Wales x

  3. Isaac Cox
    June 26, 2012 at 5:51 pm #

    Russell Cox is an anagram of “I said I would come back to drink with the boys but bottled it.” How’s that one?

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